20 Observations On Life

1 - Calling Wednesday "Hump Day" is incredibly misleading. It should be renamed "Day four of a sexless week".

2 - If you're ever planning on learnign guitar, be prepared to go through the following four step program. #1 Find a mediocre guitarist to teach you. #2 Break some strings, learn a power chord. #3 Become frustrated because you suck at guitar. #4 Quit practising for a few years, until you forget how bad you were. Begin again at step #1.

3 - Greenland is mostly ice, and Iceland is mostly green, which means Vikings were retarded.

4 - Things I think about at work "Will people ever evolve to have three nostrils?"

5 - Someday, some musical genius will bring together the world's greatest hardcore gangster rappers, to record the benefit song "We shot the world (with a chrome gat yo)!".

6 - My favorite food group is Fats and Gristle.

7 - If you don't have anything nice to say, then say it on the internet.

8 - Someone needs to explain to MC Hammer, that we don't want to touch it, we just want to look at it.

9 - When I am rich and famous, my mansion is going to have the two greatest rooms ever invented, that no rich person has, but every child wants. The Ultimate Lego room, and the trampoline room. Also, you will not be invited.

10 - If I was a musician, I would write a song for my coworkers called "Seriously, stop standing by my cubicle talking to me, because you are boring and I have work to do."

11 - I could never become a fifth day adventist, because I think Thursday is a pretty overrated day.

12 - Poeple with flag bumper stickers that say "These Colors Don't Run" are really saying "God bless america, except for south america, central america, mexico, and the gays".

13 - Nobody ever thought playing the accordian was sexy, so to all you accordian players out there, I say "What the hell?"

14 - I support the new legislation up for approval in the house and the sente, that declares 11:11 p.m. every day "Techno Time", where all citizens are required to crank up Square Pusher, and chant "techno time! techno time! techno time!" for five minutes.

15 - This just in! Apple computers, now just as boring as PCs.

16 - When I see movies I really like (such as Sin City, or American Beauty), skid marks mysteriously appear in my underwear.

17 - I often find myself wishing that my life was a lot more like Belle and Sebastian.

18 - My wife recently started calling me "Flacid Pants", and won't stop no matter how many times it makes me cry.

19 - The reason I love myspace.com so much, isn't because it's a great place to pick up 14 year old girls, but because it's a great place to listen to terrible local bands which are totally going to make it someday.

20 - There's nothing more disappointing in life, than when you're bored, deciding to play a board game, only to discover that you are missing some pieces.